I want to let you sleep. I want to go shower. But so there's something developing it.
Check group chat.
love.
I want to be fake. I want to and I just wanted to plug you up because I wanted to check
I wanted you I guess to know before.
Why do you feel the need to air it out love? because every time um she mentions something like that, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth because it still makes me think about the time when you were upset about this and they literally like acted like it's not that big of a deal when it was big a big deal to you.
But that went on for months. So yeah, I'm kind of still mad about it.
So, um, before I said anything else,
wanted to check with you if it's okay to speak my mind.
What do you expect from me? what you do. I just I am checking your comfort. I I want to speak my mind because I don't I don't like feeling like it feels trying to be nice to these people, but also like when they say something that triggers me, I get mad and I can't say anything about it.
Love, love, love. You don't have audio.
I already told you my comfort level was love when we were in a hotel in Cancun. I understand that. That's why I woke you up because I was like, "Oh, it sounds like I'm about to start [ __ ] and I want to make I want to call you because I don't want to." Like, you basically already did.
Again, I don't like how fake it feels to literally be trying to build a relationship with these people and still have this in the background popping up all the time and I can't say [ __ ] about it because then if you do speak your mind now, what do you expect from me? Do you want me to keep out of it? No, I want Do you expect support? I I'm just trying to figure out my boss in this. I don't
I don't want you to stay out of it or supportive like I I I'm not asking you to assume a certain role within it. I'm just
I just thought it was important to keep
about asking you to do one or the other. This is about I don't want to do anything without you knowing.
Yeah.
If you feel the need to air it out,
then okay.
Let's remember that you
remember that you were not there because I can also see a Miller get defensive and being like, "Oh, but you weren't even there, so why is this a thing?"
Well, I am not mad about
S. I am not necessarily mad about that. I'm mad about how it affected you and how it was dealt with afterwards.
I'm mad about like how how they handled that afterwards. I'm mad about the fact that there was no real genuine apology. There was no real acknowledgement that even when you tried to voice your feelings, it wasn't even properly addressed. That's what I'm mad about. I'm mad because that was on your that was heavy in your mind for freaking weeks after that.
Then just keep it to that place.
Because like we talked about last night, the reason that they
they weren't updated about the autism tests. Yes, that did have to do with August or end of July basically.
But then again, like I said last night as well, me forgetting to update people about things that happened that is a recurring thing. I don't see reasons to bring that into It's not about freaking updating them. It's about the fact that the whole time leading up to freaking December, the amount of breakdowns you've had over the Amsterdam dinner because you were so anxious about it because of that part, the part where
you felt very uncomfortable with them because of the way they handled that. Yeah.
I guess just go ahead
in that case. Just go ahead.
Just asking you to fight about what is how it is affecting you.
So,
so I'm not asking you to fight for me. I'm not I'm not trying to fight. I'm saying that I don't it doesn't feel genuine to try to build a relationship with these people when literally they bring something up that it still triggers me and they don't know. I understand that.
I'm saying is that I don't expect you
to fight for what hurts me
because that is on me and I let it go quite some time ago now.
let go of that for quite some time because to me I don't see any point in trying to fight a marble or more because a lot of time has passed just because but also because your miller is always for some reason just resorting to violence. Okay. But just because just because you decided that oh well I'm deciding to let this go because I don't want it to bother me anymore doesn't mean that it doesn't still bother me though.
I'm sorry your audio. No, I do understand that. But that is also why I'm saying that please fight for what you think is important. ice for what it hurts for you.
It hurt me because it hurt you. That I can't separate that.
What I think is important is you.
Like you said, I wasn't there. Why would I be Why would I have beef or offended over my own thing? I wasn't even there. There's no my own thing. It's no way it affected you.
Okay.
I'm still typing response. Please don't preempt me. I'm not preempting you.
Just as Bonnie needs to do something that I wanted to respond earlier.
I'm going to check on my laundry real quickly.
I am typing right now and I'm on the end but I'm in paragraph three but it'll probably and I will I want to send it to 28.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm done.
Where are you going to send it? Thanks. Okay.
I think you
in the second paragraph there's an s missing as but he tell me
he tells me a Okay.
Um, third paragraph. Is it after word or afterwards? I always feel like it's afterwards, but I don't might just be me. First sentence of the third paragraph.
I can make it afterwards. No, it's okay. I'm I'm just not I'm just just not entirely sure. I'm not sure, but I don't mind either way. So, I ended the right way is okay. Okay.
Overall, I'm okay with the message. Um, overall I'm okay with the message. It's just uh in some parts um
especially the the later two par paragraphs the last two paragraphs it very much feels like you are speaking out on my behalf if that makes sense. I'm not trying to speak out on your behalf for the I understand this way. I'm trying to help me rephrase it in a way that makes it clear then that I'm trying to understand their perspective of okay you might not have been aware of this because naturally you don't generally like conflict so I can understand why it might not have ever occurred to you but this is how it made him feel and I'm uncomfortable with that. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Can I rephrase it in a way that makes that clear that I'm not necessarily speaking for you. I'm just trying to be like I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt that you know this might not have it might not have occurred to them that that this bothered you this much kind of thing because you generate complaint. I mean, especially the um the the last paragraph where you say, "But it really isn't normal or desired for Sven." And he basically spent like, "Especially, but it really isn't normal or desired for Sven." Makes it seem like you are just speaking on my behalf as if you're I don't know, my defendant, if that makes sense. Let me try to think of how to edit. Um that's okay.
Yeah, overall I'm okay with the message.
How about it really didn't seem normal for Sven or something he wanted?
Um, how about
hold up let me read that message that line again.
I think trying to step away from desired behavior in general would help. Um
because you could also just say um because it basically was reason for trying not to break down in the entire week leading up and the days after the Amsterdam dinner because of how much it would flinch. But it may not necessarily be for the other for for the other person like okay so I know this might just be another regular day for you and it might not even have occurred to you how it might have felt for him but it okay that doesn't feel right but it okay hold on it might not have even occurred to you how it must have felt for him but it didn't really seem
The only words I can think of are even worse. But it didn't really seem regular or acceptable.
That's not acceptable. It's unacceptable because those are what I feel. I feel like they're unacceptable. No, I get that. I get that.
I'm also adding a phrase at the end where it says I I basically just added I don't want that for him which sounds
or I don't like that for him
and I've I'm trying to be very intentional about not bringing up Yo, I had to talk him down from cutting you off so many times. That's okay. I think it's best not to include that. Yeah, I've been very intentional about not putting that in. Mhm.
Okay, this sounds like fighting words. I'm sorry. What this?
I'm sorry. I can't help it.
Reread this last paragraph. I altered it a little and I just I just feel like if I don't if I don't like emphasize that like it wouldn't it wouldn't it wouldn't click how serious it gets. So, but it might sound like fighting words to add in a Mhm.
But could you I'll add in the Okay, how's your but I can speak for myself and I was really not okay with that. That's okay. But could you replace but it didn't really seem regular or acceptable for Sven and basically connect the following sentence to the because you can easily just replace but with because and then follow it up. He basically spent the entire week leading up to Because again that that it didn't really seem regular or acceptable for Sven. It feels very much like you're defending me. I will take out your name.
But it may not it may not really seem regular. It may not be it may not necessarily be regular. It may not necessarily be regular or acceptable for other people. How about that? That's that's okay.
Okay. So, this one, can you read it through and
Okay, read it through. Yes.
change basically. I was asking you to defend directions.
Did you hop in game because I know Yeah, I need to need something to quite after that. Okay.
I'm not asking you to defend your ex because we know different people at differentics and I know this might be just another regular day for you and it might not have even have even occurred to you how it must have felt for him but it may not necessarily be regular acceptable for other people basically spent the entire week leading up to and days after the dead trying not to break down because of how much he would flinch and it would trigger when you used your hands for big gestures afterwards and I didn't like that for him. the ocean and the audacity of the committed action. Okay. What's committed action? Throwing books. Okay. But that is that isn't necessarily directly mentioned at very start. You know what I mean? I did love. I said that's the very first thing I said. Sven told me about books and hence violence. Okay. Yeah. No, that's that's that's true. It is.
Um, so I'll I'll add in like a phrase that the the action itself and then open parenthesis the books and the throne. How about that? Close parenthesis. Um, I would just steer away from that to be honest because that that basically sounds quite a cute story immediately. So I would I would try to stay away stay away from that. You didn't finish the sentence. The whole the whole the whole point of that sentence was to say hey this was serious but it that's not my place to talk about but this is what I want to talk about it but I can speak for myself.
Okay. Let me finish that first. Yes sir. um the action the action and the audacity of that committed actually was a very serious event for him but it's not my place to talk about the extent of how serious it went but I can speak for myself and I was really not okay with that what was done and especially how it affected him and how heavy it weighs for him afterwards yeah okay that's yeah that that is okay is that okay with you yeah I should have read a little bit further
I'm going to hop in the shower after. Yes,
that looks even longer when I post it on Instagram. Mhm. And it looks very long.
I want to follow it up with this. Is that okay?
With what? Notice she has just read the um message. I want to follow it up with this. Read it please. I really want to post this right now. Yes. It bothers me when you make jokes like that because it reminds me of frustration of that period of this made me very uncomfortable. Don't say something about it. I did. Well, clearly that message wasn't received because why else would they think it's okay to joke about it? That just feels disrespectful. I've been trying so many times already, but don't forget it. And that was just an overall frustrating time on his part and on my part arguing about it. Yes, that's okay. So, I felt the need to this out. Yeah. I mean that yeah that seems like a yeah that see that is a cut off that seems like a an obvious addition to what she already said but I could understand why that she wouldn't get that because there's been quite some messages Sorry.
I know. I love you. I love you. I'm sorry if it feels like I'm speaking on your behalf.
Much less than it it felt before. Okay. I said that's okay.
Yeah.
Did you respond?
Sorry, love. Did you see my message? I didn't send a message at all. Now, what are you saying? Can you read my message and respond?
Love, I have no idea what you're saying.
I messaged you. Can you love? The audio is very very quiet. Can you please speak up a little bit more?
What were you saying?
Yeah, I have feelings too because now all of a sudden I have to do the conversation even though I didn't even feel the need to bring it up anymore. Give me a second. Okay. Yeah, those are but those are my feelings at the moment.
before. Hey, let's talk.
First of all, I want to apologize because I know you wanted me to leave it alone. You were in Mexico. Yeah. But it did still bother me.
Did you respond yet? No.
So, I know that it's on me for digging this up again, but second of all, it also sounds a lot like they were not aware and they want to have the opportunity to apologize to you. in which case I know you're not you decided to let it go and you don't want to talk about it but I feel like it's also fair to give them a chance to talk about it. Does that make any sense? She already did in the in the very first message. Yeah, that's I understand that. No, she already she already apologized. I I don't feel like
I didn't even feel like it's worth bringing up anymore.
I asked you in Mexico, please don't start a fight and you didn't back then. I'm very grateful for that still. That's why I was very grateful that you sent a message. But now all of a sudden she puts it as like, "Oh yeah, no, let me let me think about it because there's quite a lot to unpack." But I'm just immediately getting a notification like, "Oh, can we talk about it here?" Because it's easier to talk about it in Dutch. Okay. Yeah, cool. But it's it's not even about that. It is not something that I wanted to bring up. It's something that you wanted to bring up. And all of a sudden, I am the one who has to respond. Sven, can I say something, please? Yes, love.
First of all, I did not start a fight. No, love. I'm not No, love. I'm saying finish. I understand. I understand. I'm not I know you're frustrated and I'm I'm not I'm not frustrated right now. I'm I'm perfectly capable of talking. Okay. I'm not trying to start a fight. I know that I'm airing it out because it it's my feelings and I wanted to check with you first. And I know that you said that you decid you made your peace with it and decided to move on. You don't want to talk about it, but I did. Yeah. When Yama sent the Thank you for telling me this. Um
I need some time to reflect on it because it's a lot to unpack. Mhm. How I'm understanding that not necessarily all of necessarily most of this is probably news to probably news to them. And so she's like part of it is like she wants to she wants to clear it with you. Clear it with you first because like get to get things straight or to understand. But also part of it is also like what she said in that message. It is more difficult if it's a second language that they're not used to speaking all the time. Finding words for those. You have problems finding words for those feelings and you speak English more than you more than them. You already have have trouble finding words to put your feelings to put to put your feelings into words or find finding the proper phrases. So obviously she's like oh the this whole ass what four or five paragraphs and I have to respond to it in English. I have no idea how I'm supposed to do that.
Me personally, when you sent me that screenshot, I felt very much like, okay, well, I was the one that brought it up and now you're excluding me. Yeah, that's how I felt about it. But also, I'm like, I can see why like to you, you probably have a lot of questions and you probably want to talk, but you don't know how to talk about this because it's this language. When I said I have feelings about this, I meant I don't want to be excluded. I don't want it to sidetrack to another app and talk about it there. If she feels more comfortable talking about it in Dutch, it's fine to talk in Dutch in this group chat. That's okay. I will deal with it. But also
also what you said, love because that's also what I thought. I was like, well, I'm the one that brought it up. you want to talk about it with him because I'm the one you're supposed to be talking about because this is my problem. I'm talking about my problem with you here. So, so if you say something like say something like, "Hey, I already decided I already decided that I I already I I already decided I don't want to talk about this that I I I that I've already decided to move on from this a while back. This is mostly Kyla's issue now. Why don't you talk to her about it kind of thing?" then that's fine to say. But also they are allowed to ask you questions if they felt like they have not had clarity about that at that time. So if they feel more comfortable doing that in Dutch, they can do that in this chat. It's fine with me. I I understand that it might be harder because of the foreign language part. Language part. Does that make sense? Does that make sense? That makes sense. Yeah. How do you feel about that? I'm okay to that. But still, love, I didn't ask to have this brought up. And that's what I have the biggest issue with. Like I was fine with you. That's why I said like, okay, just just bring up your part in this like your worries, your concerns. That is that is for you to talk about. That is I didn't ask you to to fight in my position or fight for me, defend me, or whatever. I I definitely did not ask you to do that. And now all of a sudden it's it's just please check your messages in the in the group chat because I suddenly have to clear it out with her because I I didn't even choose to. Sen, I'm sorry. You can say that. I didn't even want to be involved with this. I'm over this already. She's the one that still has a problem with it. You can say that. Put it on me. It's okay. I am sorry. I'm sorry that you got dragged into this and you didn't want to. I know you really didn't want to get into this conversation. I am sorry about that. Sorry for dragging you in. I know.
I'm sorry. I know, love. I know you didn't want this to happen either. I didn't mean to put this back on you. I didn't mean for it to blow back on you. that love. You can't deny the fact that you are naturally involved and they deserve to have the chance to be able to clear it with you. I know you decided that you want to move on from it. You don't want to talk about it. But what if what if they want to clear it to to make it they want to clear it air, too. What if they want to to um to clarify things? Love, I know that it's enough for you. That that first message is enough if she just said, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that." That that is enough. But it honestly it's not enough for her. It's not enough for other people. Like we do have to feel like we can talk freely about our feelings before we feel comfortable with it. I don't know if it's just a girl thing, but to her that was probably an intro and I know that that makes you uncomfortable because you don't like that and you don't like the feeling of that conflict.
But some love,
I really feel like this isn't No one is trying to fight you here. I really feel like this is just really try and just this is an attempt to to repair and I think you should give them that chance.
I'm sorry that it feels like you have to sit in this feeling of conflict now but I No one's trying to No one's trying to hurt you though.
Yeah. Um, for now, um, I just started typing the message to him. Um, I have let it go a long time ago to be fairly honest, but Kyla is still struggling with it, but that's the translation to English is over exaggerating in my opinion. It's just that it's on your mind is basically what what I the Dutch Overexaggerating. Yeah, that that's not a positive. Yes,
over exaggerating is not that's not a positive word. That that that's basically what you're what you're saying with that is what what it feels like you're saying with that is I'm making it a bigger deal than it is. And I'm not. Yes. Love. That's that love. Love. What I'm trying to say is the way that I translated it to English, it's more like the Dutch is
which well in in in English you would basically say is struggling with it, but it's more like it's still somewhere on her mind. That is more the overall feeling. So I'm not I don't mean struggling. I mean more like in the sense of it's still on her mind. No, I'm I'm I I just had issue with describing it as over exaggerating, love, because it it when you say overexaggerating, it means making it a bigger deal than it actually is. And I don't feel like I'm making it a bigger deal than it actually is. No, love. I'm not saying that you're making it a bigger deal than it is. Okay. What I'm what I'm just saying the message so far is I have let it go. I have let go of it a long time ago to be fairly honest. But Kyla, it's still on Kyla's mind. That is that is it. That is the message so far. You don't have to be this defensive. I am not I am not trying to I'm not trying I don't have complaints about this love. I'm just telling you how I feel about it. But you explain it to me and I understand it now. How do you want to finish that message? And I don't know. I think you should talk to her about it instead of me because it's not I don't know a big deal to me anymore. And or if you have questions, you can say it in that group chat and it's okay to talk Dutch and she's fine. I don't know. I don't know how you want to talk. I don't how you want to finish it. I'm not rushing you. I'm going to go grab my food and I'm going to sit here with you and and and please remember that no one's trying to hurt you. This is not I am so sorry that you got dragged into this conversation, but this is not
I know you didn't want to have this conversation. This is not on you, love. I'm sorry.
Okay.
And I am pretty [ __ ] sure that we all love you, Sen.
Yes. I love you, too. I'll grab my food while you figure it out. Okay.
Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your discomfort right now.
